Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
