i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
