so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
