I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
