South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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