i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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