Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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