My Higher Power is John Stamos
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
