I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
