Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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