Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
