Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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