dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
