dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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