Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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