you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
