btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
