Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
