This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
