why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
