how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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