lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
