Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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