So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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