Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just tell him i said nine months
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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