Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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