The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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