I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
