guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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