just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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