Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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