A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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