In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
