so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
