Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
