Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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