1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
