I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
