Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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