My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
