he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
