Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
