I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
