EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
