Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
