She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
