my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
