Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
