wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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