Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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