Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
