Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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