glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
